i will put aside fear for courage, death for life
by displayheartcode
Summary: Hikaru first flew a cardboard box in his mother's study. [Character Study - Post Beyond]


**A/N:** Yes, that title is from the Young Wizards series. Enjoy this unedited fic!

My tumblr and ao3 accounts are under the same name as this.

 **Disclaimer** : Really obvious that I'm not JJ Abrams.

 **Title** : i will put aside fear for courage, death for life

 **Words** : 1K

 **Summary** : Hikaru first flew a cardboard box in his mother's study. Post-Beyond. A Character Study.

* * *

Hikaru first flew a cardboard box in his mother's study.

It had been in the attic in their creaking house in San Francisco for some time, a collection of aged photo albums cherished from the previous generations had been gathering dust for some time.

But Hikaru only cared about the metal pin that had caught his eye. He liked how the old-fashioned metal was shaped into a pair of wings. He proudly pinned it to the front of his shirt, and dragged the box down the stairs. Then armed with glue, scissors, and markers, the simple cardboard construction became _Sulu One_ – named and piloted by the very brave Hikaru Sulu of Starfleet.

* * *

He had always dreamed about the stars.

Hikaru's mobile as a baby had been a collection of glittering stars and silvery starships that would dance above him, giving him a glimpse of what future was ahead.

"He'll have his head in the clouds," an aunt had commented. He was sleeping peacefully in his crib. In his thoughts, a universe was teaming to life inside of him. "Nothing is going to ground your child."

But Hikaru dreamed on.

* * *

He grew into a gangly child with clumsy hands, as he had to reassemble his telescope for the third time. He grew into a sharp-eyed teenager who drew up blueprints for model planes that would dangle from his ceiling. He grew and grew, collecting plans and a means to get himself into Starfleet. He was going to wear his uniform, and h was going to see it all. The galaxies. The universe. Everything.

And he was going to fly to see it.

* * *

Hikaru wondered what was staring back as he looked in the vastness of space.

"Why join Starfleet?" he had been asked during his first interview. He could remember trying not to fidget in the hard chair, hoping that they wouldn't notice the sweat building up on that hot day. "What do you hope to accomplish with us, Mr. Sulu?"

Hikaru had licked his dry lips. He'd felt the sun hitting him, making the room hotter and more unbearable. "Flying," he had said. "I want to go where no man has ever gone before."

"How original," one of the professors had said. She'd made a mark with her stencil on her PADD. "Anything else?"

He had closed his eyes. _Space_. The stars that would rise and fall to give birth to new ones, the constellations sharing stories as he flew past them, the planets full of unknown life and adventures.

Hikaru had said: "I want to know what looks back."

* * *

"Mr. Sulu, you can fly this thing, right?"

"You kidding me, sir?" But Hikaru hesitated for a moment, seeing the drop ahead of them as terrifying as the first time he had pushed his cardboard plane down the steps. Dirt and rocks trickled down the chasm, the sharp rocks below jutted up like jagged knives.

 _I can fly this._

He thought of Ben's careful hands stained green from working inside his greenhouse. Of Demora's red headband always slipping down her forehead as she fought him with her fake sword valiantly. He thought of their cozy home on Yorktown that Hikaru had convinced Ben that it would be the perfect place to live as a family despite the stars and planets that would separate them. They were his lifelines, his daughter and husband. They needed him and much as he needed them.

 _I can fly this_ , he told himself again _. I can fly anything._

And Hikaru's mind went peacefully still as their surroundings swept past them; the screams of his crew were nothing more than a faint background noise as he focused on pulling them out.

And they flew.

* * *

Ben was what grounded Hikaru. He was a botanist whose hands were always covered in dirt, and the smell of an earthly spring always following wherever he went.

Their meeting was a classical story of a bright-eyed pilot enjoying his shoreleave for the first time, getting caught in the rain, and finding shelter with a stranger at a nearby coffee shop.

Hikaru was charmed by Ben's patience, and the artistic way he would talk about his plants. He was warm and sweet.

Ben was charmed by Hikaru's quick wit, and then the stories of the antics he had participated in back at the academy's fencing club. He was humorous and kind.

They had stayed there at that coffee shop for hours.

But, more importantly, Hikaru felt as though he could see a glimpse of Ben's soul, and Ben noticed the same when he talked to Hikaru. Their eyes would brighten, their coffee long-forgotten as they fell for each other, the world disappearing around them until Hikaru's comm beeped with an urgent message from Chekov.

When going to sleep later that night, Hikaru found himself dreaming about the soft wave in Ben's hair and the shine in his brown eyes. Ben's smile, he recalled, had a brilliance greater than any sun.

* * *

The doors flew open and Hikaru rushed out with his phaser in one hand, and a deadly cocktail of courage and anger mixed in his heart.

"Where's Kirk?" he asked Chekov. There was chaos in the streets, people running and seeking shelter as a team flew in from ahead to block off the _Franklin_ for safety precautions. His comms had been shot from the interference of the old technology that had made up the ship.

"He iz somewhere." Chekov's pale face grew more pallid. "But I do not know where Mister Spock and Bones are either."

Hikaru's skin prickled at the memory of Krall's sharp nails digging into his scalp—the explosion of pain tearing at every— _no_. That wasn't going to happen again. Krall couldn't be far, shapshifting be dammed.

Shouts suddenly rose from around them, people pointing wildly at something far away.

"Is Kirk—" Hikaru tried again, fixing his dropped jaw. "Goddammit, is he fighting Krall in _Zero-G?"_

* * *

 _"Ben!"_

The world fell away, and all Hikaru could feel were his husband's arms wrapped around him. Staggering with exhaustion, he clutched onto Ben tighter, as if something new and horrible would try to take him away.

Hikaru's uniform had wet spots from their tears. He held back a relieved sob as Demora cried out for him. He reached for his daughter, his husband, and he held them. He couldn't bring himself to let them go.

* * *

It was a new day.

Hikaru woke slowly, then all at once when he realized that it was his soft mattress beneath him and Ben's gentle breathing instead of the hard bunk and the mechanical symphony of the _Enterprise_.

 _A new day,_ Hikaru told himself. He closed his eyes to banish the images of falling through space and his home being torn away. He intertwined his fingers through Ben's. His solid presence was enough to bring Hikaru back.

He fell back into bed, and drifted off to dream about what adventures would await for him at home.


End file.
